After You

Today is a good day. With the sun gently touching my skin, the calm breeze providing the needed coolness. It is a  good day for a good cup of coffee. And because I want to savor this moment of serenity, I decide to walk five blocks to the nearest coffee shop.

I come across a little girl with her hand being held tight by his dad as he walks her to school. I see a woman jogging with her dog on a leash with her music blasting through her earphones. The old man who sells newspaper nods at me with timid smile and greets me “good morning!”

Indeed. There’s something wonderful about today.

I realize in that moment why we experience heartaches, sadness, depression. We need to feel those emotions to better appreciate the joy and calmness that I feel today.

Today is a good day.

I am about to open the cafe door when I graze your hand, reaching out for the door handle at the same time as me. I quickly pull my hand back and take a quick look at you. You do not move your hand. You pull the door as you look at me with a wide smile.

“Good morning!” You greet me with the smile of someone who just won the lottery. At first I don’t realize what you want me to do. I just can’t look away from that smile. “Today is a good day, huh,” I quipped.

“I have a feeling this will be the best day of my life,” you reply.

I just give you a puzzled look when you gesture your other free hand motioning me to enter the coffee shop.

“After you?”

Today is a good day.

this story is pure imagination. But hey, today is a good day. :)

Moving Forward

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” – John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

Here’s my own version of that quote:

You fall in love,
Slowly, and then all at once.
Then you get up, with or without him. You get up.
And then you move forward.

I think that’s what I need to do now–move forward. Friends keep asking me, “Is that little glimpse of heaven worth all the pain you’re feeling?” I always tell them that yes, it is worth it.

But now, I guess, I have to move forward. Whatever that means, I have to move forward. I’m not giving up. I’m moving forward.

#Finally: Free HIV Testing for Me


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Ang taong nagmamahal, naghihintay. 

Hanggang kailan? 
Hanggang kaya. 
Hanggang gusto mo pa. 
Hanggang mahal mo pa. 

Ang taong nagmamahal, naghihintay. 

Hindi dahil kailangan. 
Pero dahil yun lang ang tanging paraan. 

Ang taong nagmamahal, naghihintay. 

Para sa sagot na maaaring oo o hindi. 
Ang mahalaga, naghintay ka. 
Nang sa huli, 
masasabi mong ginawa mo ang lahat. 

Nagmahal ka ng tapat. 
Maaaring sa maling tao, 
ngunit nagmahal ka ng tapat.

Dahil ang taong nagmamahal, naghihintay. 
Ang taong nagmamahal, maghihintay at maghihintay.


Now it’s starting to sink in. I am alone. I have friends, but still I’m alone. 

I’ve never felt this way for four years. I guess I just have to get used to it. 

I need to learn how not to be lonely even if I’m alone. That’s possible, right?

God I hope I made the right choice.